Whispers

2009-04-27T09:59:00.003-05:00

Stolen directly from Dorothy Surrenders because I could not have said it better:

Oh, Bea. Where would we be without you? Where would all the big, bold, brassy broads of the world be without Bea? From “Mame” to “Maude” to Dorothy, Bea Arthur was funny, feminist and fantastic. Whether with a simple look, a perfectly-timed zinger or full-on verbal machete attack, Bea did not suffer fools, but rather sliced and diced them down to size. That she was hilarious was one thing, that she was inspiring was altogether another. She gave countless girls permission to be smart and opinionated, funny and brash. Her shows, “Maude” and “The Golden Girls,” touched on everything from abortion to homosexuality, divorce to ageism, sexuality and – most important of all – female friendship. Which is also why so many of us took her passing this weekend so personally. We grew up with her, we looked up to her. She was always there to help show us the way. Bea knew who she was and was comfortable in her own skin. As she once told an interviewer: “Look – I'm 5-feet-9, I have a deep voice and I have a way with a line. What can I do about it? I can't stay home waiting for something different. I think it's a total waste of energy worrying about typecasting.” So thank you, Bea. Thank you for being yourself and – of course – a friend.

Bea Arthur has always been one of those icons that is ever present in my life. She was a tall, strong woman who was always characterized as speaking her mind. She had a wardrobe that only another tall girl could covet, and a voice that a budding lesbian could lust over.

We are losing our icons. What are we doing to replace them?

does it always have to be difficult?

2009-04-24T14:38:00.002-05:00

I am getting so tired of the fact that every part of my life is hard. I never seem to get an easy choice, an easy path, an easy way.

But then here i sit pouting....and other people have it so much more difficult.

I am trying not to generalize. I am trying not to blow one feeling into something that takes over my whole mood.

I am annoyed with my water faucet. A few months ago, it began to leak. Most people would go out and get a new sprayer head and hose and fix it. or call a plumber. but in my world both of those are beyond the budget. so i make do. Tapes were useless, and epoxies a waste of time so then there was the clip to hold the hose from slipping into the housing. When that disintegrated, i found some rubberbands that worked, but they too disintegrate.

This afternoon, I was in the midst of making gallons of sugarfree jello. My fingers are stained red, my counter is stained red, and in the middle of it all, going for cold water, my faucet decided to baptise me, the counters and the stove.

Sigh.

its just water, right?

i want an iphone

2009-04-14T09:40:00.005-05:00

it is an irrational desire. I have a cell phone that I love (LG Dare) it has access to everything i need. Phone, internet, email. chat, i can get twitter notifications, and texts and photos. It has an awesome camera, and i have had an LG phone for years, and love the way they work. I am also a very happy Verizon customer. I get service everywhere I need it and have had awesome customer service.

But I am a mac girl! I have always had a Mac, and will always. I love Mac gadgetry. I have had a number of ipods (and still have them) from the basic white brick to the red nano with video. I have never been the earliest of adopters, but i am usually at least a second rev adopter. I am a mac addict, mac enthusiast, and truly a mac evangelist. I like the products, I like the attitudes, I like the desgin. By the time I got my first PDA, the Newton was history, but the Handspring was the next closest thing. only once for a period of time, did I not run the latest OS (because it required a hardware upgrade that I could not afford).

My friend R is the early adopter. Single gay man, my mac guru, he has always had the means and the desire., and has been very good at sharing what he is replacing, so I can get new hardware at reduced prices. I drooled when R got his first iPhone. I lusted, i dreamed, i complained loudly about being unable to spend that kind of money on a cell phone. But i wanted one. my flip phone could do gps and it had a pretty good camera....but it wasnt an iphone.

iPhones are more. they have applications, they are more computers than they are just cell phones. The blackberry thinks it can compete....but it is a different kind of thing. I do not find the blackberry at all interesting. But the one hitch in the program is that Verizon does not support the iPhone. In fact, ATT is the only carrier. Not only am i not willing to give up Verizon, I am NOT going to go to ATT. They have poor service, bad customer service and i just don't like them. So I am stuck. as much as i want my iphone, my dare will have to fill the gap.

Spring has sprung. My first Crocus!

2009-04-11T20:55:00.002-05:00

gardening has begun

2009-04-01T08:15:00.002-05:00

over the last week i have begun planting seeds in little starters. one tray is all sprouted, and the other two trays are still in process.

we have beets and zucchini, sqaush and cucumbers, swiss chard and tomatoes, Brussels sprouts and garlic chives, sage and thyme and of course basil.

after a winter of frozen veggies and minimal fresh, it is exciting to get the garden going now.

The downside, of course, is the fact that it is 34F and snow is in the forecast. (actually the little weather monitors on my computer say it is snowing, but looking out my window says that is not the case right here!!)

BUT its very encouraging to see a tray full of sprouts. (photo documentation to follow)

PDA's

2009-03-27T15:23:00.002-05:00

And no, I do not refer to hand-held organizers.
Public Displays of Affection.
Holding hands, affectionate kisses, touches, hugs.
Where do you stand on them?

I ask because on another blog I read, there is a discussion that is bothering me big time.

A lesbian couple out at a sporting event observed a transperson being harassed, and were not comfortable saying anything.
She took the conversation further discussing how uncomfortable she is with the idea of holding hands with her girlfriend.

I have read the comments mostly congratulating her on not responding to the harassers, and staying safe. And also about not holding hands unless they are comfortable.

The more I read, the angrier i got. How homophobic. Let the tranny fend for themselves, and heaven forbid you hold your sweeties hand.

There were one or two people who had the opposite perspective, but by far the majority was all about being safe, and staying safe.

I guess I am not going to sacrifice someone else's safety (the transperson's) or ignore someone being abused. And as much as I am not the crawl all over each other supporter when it comes to PDA's, I refuse to let other peoples bigotry keep me from being normal with a partner/girlfriend.

How will we ever expect to live our lives openly and safely if we hide in our internalized homophobia??? I do understand that some people are afraid for their jobs, their families, their lives even. I do not advocate forcing people to do things that are not safe for them, but I think if we do not step out of our safe little boxes sometimes, we will never be accepted.

sick and over it

2009-03-27T15:20:00.002-05:00

I finally finished the big book I was doing, and after the first proofing, my body did the post-apocalyptic collapse thing. In other words work myself into oblivion/exhaustion and then catch whatever bug that is floating around and have it take over.

after 3 solid days of exhaustion, sneezing, coughing, sleeping, blowing my nose, aching, dozing, I am banishing the bug.

Went to get a haircut today and had my long time stylist tell me that my skin and scalp are a mess. Stress its a wonderful thing.
I have a pricy tube of lotion and directions to find some equally pricy crystals to put into my scalp...to allow my skin/scalp to calm down (neutralize). OK...now if i can just find something that will do that for the rest of my life. oh well. my haircut is styled after this photo of Victoria Beckham.

I am significanlty grayer, older, fatter and less made up than she is, but I liked the pixy top with the longer back. NOT a mullet

We are due for a spring snowstorm tomorrow....cold, snowing, blowing. Spring....BAH HUMBUG!

Tests and other thoughts

2009-03-23T01:13:00.002-05:00

I have spent this weekend with my nose glued to the computer for the most part, with breaks to attempt to sleep, to cook and eat, and to take a test for a prospective job.
The few brain cells that may have been functioning are threatening to dribble out of my ear.

The test was delivered in audio. All spoken, on tape, with a multiple choice answer sheet and test booklet. The sections were geared to test your listening and discernment skills. Very necessary for the job.

86 people applied, 81 were invited to the test. Test was given to half of us at a time. It took less than an hour. There were no pauses, no room for a cough or a sniffle that might cause you to miss something, no rewinds or repeats.

I think I did ok, but I have no idea if that ok is good enough to move on to the next test.

They will put the top of the tested applicants onto a hiring list. Who knows how many that will be. There is a possibility of 10-12 positions open. The next scheduled training class is in September, but depending on the lay of the land, they may hire as early as May.

Notification of the next step should come in the next two weeks. I want this job. I hesitate to be so specific about it, as my luck has always been counter-intuitive. But I want this job. I would be very good at this job. DO YOU HEAR ME UNIVERSE?

the culmination of thousands of hours of work

2009-03-23T01:01:00.002-05:00

is once again almost a finished product.

This time, its a bigger project on my end. In previous years I have proofed, typeset, designed ads, fed the troops and climbed through the sleeping bodies in my hallway to get to MY job.

This year I took a more serious role, and actually took responsibility for the whole project a couple of weeks ago. The months prior to this i was just in a coordination role.

The product is an LGBT resource book. Over 150 listings of local and area organizations of support and interest to the LGBT community, verified as to current contact info, more than 100 ads, solicited, tracked down, tweaked, some designed, catagorised, cross-referenced, indexed and TOC's built.

Only 15 or so hours from being at the printer!!
This is one project I am glad to see gone!
NEVER AGAIN!

.... but no ferris wheel or carousels

2009-03-16T17:55:00.003-05:00

My front yard has become an amusement park.
for the squirrels, the birds and the other spring awakening critters.

The squirrels have been having great fun, running from the side of the house, across the garden, up to the fence post, to nibble on what ever they found in the garden or just preen a bit before scampering off again.
Then its up the maple tree, across the garage roof and over to the neighbors maple.

the little birds bounce from tree limb to bush branch, in a frantic little search for the best bits for their nests.

and the bunnies, young, old, short eared, and long-eared, slowly hop through the yard to get from one place to the next.

in the winter, the players are probably the same, but all I have seen of them are the tracks in the snow. But this spring, first spring with new windows, I have a unique perspective on their little amusement park antics.

And great joy at the spring weather they herald.

Australia

2009-03-15T18:19:00.002-05:00

The movie:

This movie was awesome on so many different levels.
It was a love story, both couple love and parental love.
The scenery was magnificent, and the cultural expansion made it so much deeper. I have seen other movies that include things about the indigenous children and the missions stealing them. This shined a different light it and made it so much more ugly. The hatred for people who are different by those who are in power, is still horible to see.
There were bits of aboriginal culture, dreamtime, walkabout, the songs, that are fascinating to me, because they are so different and yet very similar to native american.

It was very clear that this was fiction with bits of history to ground it. For me as an ugly american, it was something that tied Australia to world history. When I was in school and learning about basic world history, we did not learn much about Australia beyond the fact that it was an island that the English used as a penal colony. And in typical American fashion, anything about indigenous peoples was left out.
I wonder if other countries teach their children only part of their countries histories, and only the parts of other countries histories that they want told?

ANYWAY...nice birthday treat, awesome movie that I will add to my collection when it gets cheaper!

Birthdays and other days

2009-03-15T17:36:00.005-05:00

Well the 54th has been a most unique birthday.

Spent time Friday with my mother and her SO, went for a fish fry that is our favorite, and the food as always was wonderful, although the economy has had its effects there, dinner for 4 cost as much as dinner for 6 used to be, and the all you can eat fish is now sold by the piece. But it was good fun, good food and a good evening. As a bonus, R took away numerous pieces of electronics that we would have had to pay to recycle, and was able to dump them for free!! wooohooo! Got a bit of cash from them and a silly toy, as my mom hates to shop these days.

Saturday was a quiet day, an early bd call from the youngest son, and then dinner with the in-laws. A good, new, local Italian place called Buccatini, and this place was great. Other than the glass of prosecco I had with the meal landing on my lap due to the HUGE menus and small tables. Food was great and my gifty was a fancy wine bottle opener. Stopped at Trader Joe's on the way home for sandwich material, so that I can use my little pannini press (early bd gifty).

In the wee hours my final gifty was handed to me, picked up by the inlaws in St Thomas on their cruise. Beautiful opal pendant. ABSOULTELY gorgeous.

and then there has been today. Talked to friends, got a text got lots of facebook birthday wishes, chat birthday wishes, watched a movie I have been wanting to see, and will spend the rest of the evening watching tv, and reading.

Not too bad.

Beautiful sounds and visuals

2009-03-13T10:11:00.003-05:00

"Gay for Rachel Maddow": What a Hot, Smart, Lesbian Pundit Means for an Uneasy America"

2009-03-11T13:46:00.005-05:00

Cable news isn't the most female-friendly or queer-friendly place. As a whole, it is Middle America; Maddow is more Middlesex.

http://www.alternet.org/story/130905

I like Rachel Maddow.
She is smart, eloquent, has a very crisp, wry manner of expression, and has turned the world of talk/spin/commentary on its ear.

The fact that she is a good looking lesbian is a bonus for me.

In a world where media is suspect (for me at least) and its more about selling advertisers and making the news, than reporting facts, Rachel has a way about her that is trustworthy.

I am not sure if I like the article I have included. I certainly do NOT like the concept or use of the phrase "going gay for" someone. It diminshes who we are as lesbians and gays, bisexuals and transgendered persons. It presumes we choose or not choose based on being infatuated by someone. It presumes that our orientation is only about sexual attraction.

I am so tired of the singular view of what or why LGBT people are. Does anyone ask those questions of hetero's? No, because the prime connection between male and female is the continuation of the species. Oh, but that is sexual...why arent heteros assumed to be only about sex??

Some day love will be valued more than hate. Some day religions will provide support and love for people not biggotry and hatred. Someday.

grandaughters

2009-03-10T17:14:00.004-05:00

my first grandaughter is going on 8 years old. she lived with us for the first 4 years of her life, and she will always have a special place in my heart. her parents had an unfortunate marriage, and have a horrible divorce. she has a step dad who loves her. She learned to be manipulative at a very early age, and she tries it on everyone she can, but she knows she can't get away with much with me. I love to do most anything with her (when i get the chance), but mostly I love to talk with her. She has a mind that never stops, and she is smart as a whip.

my second grandaughter is a very high maintenance child. with a bit of a tendancy to whine and a major need for attention. she is 5 and a half, and has begun to get beyond those issues. We have great fun having tea parties, and she too is quick to learn, its fun to share things with her and watch her mind grab ahold. I have to make sure i can set aside the time to be 100% hers when she is around...she is a bit needy. Her mom and dad are seperating, and its something she sees more than she should. I am not sure how she will come through it all.

the twins make grandaughters 3 and 4. they are just about to turn 2, and are mama's girls. to the extent that most of us who love them can not get too close because we are not mama. they have to be picking up the tensions of home, and who knows how this will affect them.

the youngest is not yet 1, and due to the issues with her mother, I may never get to know her.
it breaks my heart. At least she has her big sister to tell her about her "Mams".

i have two other grandaughters....granddaughters of the heart. the 5 year old is a tiny terrorist, full of energy and trouble making. she is the little sister of our oldest grandsons. she is just a pistol. And then there is the 17 yo whose dad married the daughter. She is so different from the bio grands, much younger than her age, no interest in learning, with an enormous need for attention. She too is one of mine.

but finally, i have the ringer. the granddaughter i do not count. the granddaughter i do not know. the granddaughter i have never met or seen. my eldest took the high road when he was thrown the curve ball about having a daughter when he was just a young man. He learned about it after the child had lived for too many years thinking she was another mans child, and chose to step out of the picture for her sake. she skews the whole picture. At 16, she is my oldest granddaughter.

I just saw a picture of this child. I am having an emotional disconnect. its a very strange thing.

Bizzare little game

2009-03-09T21:53:00.002-05:00

the lost year

2009-03-09T11:04:00.002-05:00

I think it is time to put the year 2008 to rest.

It was really all about living one health crisis to the next, living with doubt, fear and unknown.
Once there were some answers, there were solutions, but quality of life is still a major issue.

I have begun to take my life back again, slowly, but things are still so unsettled.

Ah well, i have to just keep on keeping on.

But 2008....i am writing off.

From the sublime to.....

2009-03-09T10:53:00.003-05:00

On Friday we had 60F temps. This was the end of the day on Sunday. Yes, it is still technically winter. Yes, it is to be expected that there is more winter to come.

BUT why do we have to get teased by the very nice weather and just a day or two later have the snow and cold descend again is mother nature's cruel trick.

Arg...i am getting old. With advancing age seems to be lack of flexibility.

I am just waiting for spring. I have a bike that I want to ride. I want to open my windows and enjoy the breezes. I want to plant my seeds and watch the vegetables grow.

It has been sooooo long since my last spring (2007).

Spice in my life

2009-03-03T09:12:00.004-06:00

I love to cook, am purely self taught (my mother hated to cook). Mostly I love tastes, flavors.
I have a whole kitchen cabinet full of flavors. Seasonings, spices, extracts.

My current favorites:
Onion and garlic powder/dried chips are a staple in my world. Most everything I make that is savory has one or both. They will always be in my favorites.

Basil ranks at the top of the list, and fennel a close second. I can not imagine making italian foods without either of them, and they are great for sniffing on your fingers/hands after you have picked or scrunched or rubbed.

Bay - can't make a soup or a stew these days without a couple of bay leaves.

Cumin - not just in Mexican or Mediterranean, this adds a hint of that smoky taste we miss all winter long.

Lemon/lime - either fresh or dried/powdered. Having given up most of the added salt in foods these days, I have found a little citrus perks up lots of things.

On the sweeter end of the spectrum, there is NOTHING that a splash of vanilla can't enhance! and for me, almond extract is almost as versatile.

Cinnamon has long been amongst my favorite flavors. It also has health benefits that are being touted of late that makes it even more interesting.

Nutmeg is good in sweet things, but I rarely enjoy it in savory things when it is a prime seasoning, as a single note.

New in my scope is Garam Masala. An Indian spice mixture that combines sweet and savory spices. I am finding myself more and more intrigued cooking Indian style. I want to understand the concept of a curry (because everything I can tell about that word is that it is a generic term that means different things to different people!!).

Right now those are my top used/favorites.

What are yours?

Daylight Savings

2009-03-03T08:09:00.002-06:00

The world is going to spin right off of its access one of these days. Why do we think we can change time?

Once again, we have sprung forward in time, losing an hour of time, only to gain it again sometime in late fall.

it is arbitrary, and i do not like it. but the powers that be have determined that this is how we live our lives.

so...we deal

to stop the flow of blood

2009-03-01T17:19:00.002-06:00

from the Presbyterian Cookbook section of the cookbook below, Compiled by the Ladies of the first Presbyterian Church, Dayton, Ohio, 1875:

TO STOP THE FLOW OF BLOOD.
Bind the cut with cobwebs and brown sugar, pressed on like lint, or with the fine dust of tea. When the blood ceases to flow, apply laudanum.

and from the Capital City Cookbook, Compiled by the Women's Guild of Grace Church, published by State Journal Publishers, 1906:

COLD IN THE HEAD.
Tri-nitrate of bismuth, six drachms; pulverized gum arabic, 2 drachms; hydrochlorate of morphia, two grains. To be used as snuff. - Mrs. H. K. Edgerton, Oconomowoc.

This was a fun read. Lots of ingredients that are no longer in general use. Very few cooking directions, many non-standard measures. But a look at the way they used to cook. On a wood fire, a coal fire, with tea cup measures. And I am sure one did not have to write in a book how to tell what a "fast oven" felt like, or how long to leave something in.

Cookbooks, cooking and friends

2009-03-01T10:24:00.002-06:00

I share a love of cookbooks with my best friend. We often pick up old ones or new ones and then share the read. This one is will be a fun read, its a compilation of a couple of even older cookbooks (1873 and 1906) that she picked up at an old book store. These are church ladies cookbooks, which are some of THE BEST recipes. I have a large collection of church and temple cookbooks, and they are some of the best references for those "traditional" and "family"recipes.

We love food and love to cook, and this is really an extension of that. We have another friend who is a gourmet (or considers herself to be) and although we love eating her meals (she is an awesome cook), we don't often cook for her. There is a level of pretense that goes with the "gourmet" title....and the rest of us are much more about good home cooking.

If I had to classify myself as a type of cook, I would probably choose the term peasant. I prefer making satisfying, comforting, flavorful foods. I will dabble in other things, I have no problem playing with other cuisines, but will choose to make the comfort foods of those cultures rather than the gourmet foods. (not that i don't enjoy eating the gourmet foods, just not on a regular basis).

Lately, I have been cooking healthier, eating healthier. But that does not change my love of cookbooks that run the gamut.

Healthier cooking, eating habits and general health

2009-03-01T09:44:00.001-06:00

I read somewhere, very recently that the older cookbooks may offer healthier recipes, smaller portions. It could very well be true, but its not the point. Cooking is something we do where we have some control. Cook smaller amounts, serve smaller portions. Only use very rich ingredients when not doing so would compromise the intent of the recipe. For me, a recipe is a suggestion, a guideline.

I have learned that splenda brown is a good replacement for sugar in most things requiring it, and just learned that splenda blend works well to replace white sugar.

I use olive oil now for almost everything (other than sweets)...and whole wheat flour can replace white in most everything other than gluten requiring things measure for measure (if you need gluten, do more research).

I have learned that salt is not necessary in most cooking, but know that it is required in baking for its chemical interactions. I prefer these days to have the salt at the table, us kosher salt for its flavor, and am finding that most things do not need the salt (potatoes and soup have proven to be the exception so far).

I do not know if I can do the “local food” thing, as getting fruits and vegetables in the frozen tundra is not a local endevour. In summer, i can have my own garden or go to the farmers markets.

I know the trick to portion control is to serve and not eat from the pot or bag or what ever. I know that having a variety of healthy sides can limit the amount of unhealthy sides you eat, and can limit the damage.

I have learned that the more natural (less processed) foods are, the better they are for you.

Am I perfect and 100% healthy? Nope, not even close. But I am learning, and changing and working at it most days. I have also learned that you can not make major changes all at one time and expect immediate success. Its a long, slow process....and depravation mentality is the worst of any undermining.

I have lost 60 pounds in the last 6-8 months. I know that the lack of exercise in the the wicked winter weather has stalled me a bit, and the fact that i am still working on snacks and portion control don’t help either. But at least I am not losing ground. (only losing clothes)

March First

2009-03-01T09:40:00.000-06:00

The past year, time has moved so bizzarely. Too slow sometimes, and too fast others, but always surprisingly under my radar.

Is it spring yet?
I feel like an annoying five year old in my head. I keep asking no one in particular, and then the adult in my head says....you live in the upper midwest. spring will get here when it's ready. BUT surely not in March. but...but...the nine year old says, I got my first bike in March, and I rode it with shorts on. and on the war rages in my mind.

the bottom line is that its March 1, its 12F outdoors, there is still snow and ice on the ground, there is no windchill, but its still early in the day.

and life goes on, whether I keep track of time or not.

Bucket list

2009-02-25T10:57:00.002-06:00

Here’s a meme that’s been going around. It’s called the bucket list. You have to review all 100 items and put in bold the ones you’ve already achieved in life. So, here — with my annotations — is my bucket list:

I HAVE…

1. Started my own blog - a couple of them
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii - someday
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than I can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sung a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris - someday
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea - someday
14. Taught myself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown my own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitchhiked - only once and was terrified
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill - only once, and was terrified i would get caught
24. Built a snow fort - of course, i live in the upper midwest
25. Held a lamb — how about a lamb chop?
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise - to the Caribbean
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of my ancestors - which ancestors??
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught myself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke - not at all enjoyable
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight - Golden Beach, New Zealand, on my birthday
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had my portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business - desktop publishing b4 everyone had their own computers
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies - for many, many, many years
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason - daffodils...anytime
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi concentration camp
67. Bounced a check - by accident
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten caviar - yuk...hate it
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had my picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous - was not impressed
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby - 3 of them
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Ridden an elephant

creative emptiness

2009-02-25T09:28:00.002-06:00

I am in a rut.
emotionally, creatively, socially.

the highlight of my week was going out to do errands....alone! haven't done that in a couple of weeks.

I miss the crafty side of myself, but haven't the place or the patience.
I started to move my "craft room" upstairs...the basement is too cold, too remote, and honestly, too lonely (since I dont have my little half-pint to "help"). But....there is not enough room so half of it is downstairs still, and there is no working room.

i am hoping for the spring to come to give me a boost of energy...emotional energy.

Tom Jones

2009-02-24T10:44:00.003-06:00

omg...I feel old.
I can remember being a kid and dancing around the house dusting to Tom Jones. The man has gray hair, and still lots of it. But his voice is still intact, and he dos not have the body of an old man. But his marriage has survived 52 years. wow

i can not imagine many of the voices of todays music lasting that long.

i am not sure i will ever be immune...

2009-02-24T08:29:00.000-06:00

to what my children do.

i have 3 children.

my eldest has had his issues. He has no self-confidence, but an over-abundance of bravado. He worries me, because he lives on an edge in himself. His marriage was the best thing that happened to him, along with his girls, and it is over. he is devastated. so am i. I love his wife, and was hoping the happiness would give him the confidence he needs. not gonna happen that way now.

my youngest was always the one who was going to succeed. He has taken a few detours (the biggest was in defiance of his mother) and gotten involved with a crazy woman, has a beautiful son, and is finally getting an opportunity to know his son. He has gone back to college, and is determined to get his degree.

My middle child, my daughter.....was the “good child” growing up. Was tormented by her brothers, or so she told us. At age 17 she decided to make up for all the years of being the “good child” and went off the deep end. I believe that my daughter is mentally ill. But that does not make up for the damage she can do. I have been persona non grata with my daughter off and on for a good number of years. When its off, she is asking me for something, needing something, wanting something. when its on, she is angry, and nasty, and cuts me out of her life, which consequently cuts me out of my grandkids lives. that is what is hardest. her latest game was to unfriend me in facebook. for the last year, that was the only way I got to see my youngest granddaughter, through her photos on facebook. Daddy is her parent of choice, because daddy gives her what ever she asks for. Daddy is loaded and has a big fancy house and is too afraid of “loosing” his children to be a parent instead of an open wallet.

I know that my kids are adults. I know that I did the best I could raising them as a single mom. I know that its not “my fault”.

how do I learn how not to hurt?

moving along

2009-02-23T14:49:00.006-06:00

I still feel like crap, but, this morning I brought the computer back into the office, have retired my comfy recliner and snuggly blanket to something used occasionally instead of living it it.

Meeting with the ex-boss, who agreed to pay for the work on the big info book that we have always produced was this morning. I have to get on the stick and be functional.

The big application for the job I want most is almost ready to be produced, and that will come first.

The snow, the cul-de-sac and other things.

2009-02-22T14:45:00.003-06:00

I took a break in my shoveling to snap a quick picture of the snow....3 inches my a$$!

I am amazingly grateful to which ever of my neighbors or friends took pity on me and plowed the majority of my drive, but mostly the huge drift the plow deposited at the end of the drive.

Holly Near . . . Be still my heart

2009-02-22T10:44:00.004-06:00

This is my first attempt at posting a youtube video, but I could not resist. Snagged from Lori as she writes about her experiences getting to know more about Holly. Listening to this more recent offering from Holly caused me to wander emotionally down memory lane.

Holly was the first lesbian singer I ever went to see in person. Had to make a trek back to the big city, as I was living in the center of the state (read very conservative), and this was very early in my coming out process. I had always loved folk music, so wimmin's music was a perfect way to learn more about my own feelings.

The concert was a good opportunity for me to see and be a part of wimmin's (lesbian) community. It was 25 years ago, but I remember like it was yesterday, listening to Holly singing her heart out, and my eyes splitting between the gorgeous blond and the interpretive signer who made the song Waterfall almost three dimensional. I was hooked.

Over the years I learned to love women's music completely. Cris Williamson and Meg Christian. Lucie Blue Tremblay, Teresa Trull, Tret Fure, Ann Reed, Diedre McCalla and of course, Holly. These women's voices accompanied me anywhere I could take them, the songs and sounds woven indelibly into my life. I learned about lesbian culture, feelings, and activism, all from the music and learning about the musicians. Contrary to my normal attitude about concerts, going to a women's music concert was also about connecting with my community. To this day, given the opportunity and the finances, I would attend a concert by any one of them.

2009-02-21T06:50:00.000-06:00

What a difference a day makes!

2009-02-20T10:11:00.001-06:00

3 of 13.....grand girls

My current vantage point!

2009-02-20T09:26:00.002-06:00

Depression is such that I have been spending a significant amount of time in my chair.
My computer is sitting on the end table, lap desk for the keyboard, various bits of paperwork on the floor by the chair, and the table on the other side of the chair holds the various bits of things I keep for comforts sake (a book, a mirror, a tweezers, tissues, remote controls, book lights cell phone and power cord, pen and paper).

The picture here is from the chair out the front window this morning.

It is an interesting vantage point. I find myself noting what the neighbors are up to, who is coming, who is going, who has company, who is having work done. I wonder if they see me watching.

I remember as a kid being creeped out by the little old neighbors who watched out the window everytime something happened outside. I hope people do not think that is what I am doing. Really, its about getting up in the morning, and moving from sofa to chair, opening the curtains and beginning my morning wander thru email, blogs and facebook.

Its cold outside and getting colder, and there is more snow forecast. I love the snow, but hate the cold....the cold and my hesitancy to put on 10 layers just to go get the mail, are adding to my isolationist attitude.

Spring is somewhere out there, and will be here in the semi-near future. I am looking forward to opening windows, and being able to go outside and enjoy. I feel, this year more than ever, that my connection with the real world (outdoors) has been sooooo limited.

having the right email address is key to email posting!

2009-02-20T08:35:00.001-06:00

DOH!

now if I could only figure out what's going on with the phone/text thingy, I would be thrilled. But since I do have email on my phone, its a possibility from that POV as well.

Let the games begin!

If this works....

2009-02-20T08:28:00.002-06:00

Then I could possibly go back to sending a blog post via email, and then too, I could send from my phone.

Oh dear...that would make me waaaaaay too connected.

Not quite an iPhone...but

It's not enough to have lived. We should be determined to live for something. May I suggest that it be creating joy for others, sharing what we have for the betterment of personkind, bringing hope to the lost and love to the lonely.

~~Leo Buscaglia

status unknown

2009-02-19T09:57:00.004-06:00

ok...this may be a fruitless effort.
i have send 3 posts by email, and one text to "claim" my blog, and none of them have gone through.

this does not bode well for blogger.

this could be a short excursion into the abyss!

now I have to do something that matters.

Alberta Clipper

2009-02-18T22:51:00.002-06:00

It is a strong wind system that blows wicked chill through the land, and it is living up to its promise.

They forecast a major storm prior to this, 3-6 inches of snow, and then the clipper promised to whip it up into drifts and a general mess. The promised snow turned into less than an inch of white stuff, but the wind is doing its best to resculpt the landscape. It will be interesting to see what the world looks like tomorrow.

As much as I love the snow, I am ready for winter to be over. I usually get to the point where I am tired of winter, but this year, it seems a bit different. the positive side of it is that the crappy weather provides a good excuse for vegetation (mine).

post by email

2009-02-18T22:50:00.001-06:00

does not seem to be working yet.....that is a bummer.

New things?

2009-02-18T13:31:00.002-06:00

I am not sure why it is an issue for me....
maybe its the ultimate desire to "rearrange the room", but I am reactivating an old blog with a new look.

I haven't used blogger since before the big update, and altho there are folks around who suggest that the platform is still as buggy as ever, it has a few more options than the last time around.

Time will tell if this is a viable option.

The one thing I do wish is that blogs would allow more variation on fonts....but then, I am a fontaholic.

it says there are no posts here

2005-06-02T18:32:00.000-05:00

im not sure why because i have posted here.....just not a lot.
after all its about whispers....not rants.
careless whispers.....
soft whispers
shhhhh